He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
