Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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