Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Come see our sink grown plant.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
