I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
