I just cut my nipple shaving
Who wears a wallet chain?!
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
