I just pynch a tree in the face
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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