I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
