I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
