Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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