Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
