Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
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