Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
i need some magic done to my vagina
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
