We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Randomize
