Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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