what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
