just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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