im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
