I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
