hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
