remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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