We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
