God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Randomize
