How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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