I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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