dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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