He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
