everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
