I accidentally had phone sex last night
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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