today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
