I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
