He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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