I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
