Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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