We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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