do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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