yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
