There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Pants 0. Shit 1.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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