are you still at the devil's house?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
