She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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