bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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