I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
how does that bad decision feel?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
