I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
