So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
