If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
