I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
