I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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