i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
