break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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