State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
