yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
