if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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