you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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