Whoa Z and x make the same sound
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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