Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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