It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
