Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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