I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
