I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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