The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
