I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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