I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
