i was rollin on her like bob the builder
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
