Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
