Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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