so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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