I'm lost and stupid without you.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Semen is not good for contacts.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize